I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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