Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He felt like a one man threesome
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
