The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
