the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
