i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.