You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.