i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
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they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
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Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you