YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
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What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
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If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.