she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying