1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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