i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
