i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
