last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
