Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
