The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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