from now on my penis is your penis
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
