Jerry, you need to find god
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
