you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
