We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
