There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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