Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
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oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
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going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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