jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
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theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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