when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
