Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
