Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Randomize
