Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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