what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
