Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
