Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
