Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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