I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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