After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
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Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
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I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits