Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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