Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.