Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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