Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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