What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
