We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
two words...techno handjob
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
