I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Can I color on your dick again?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
