i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
