so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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