help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I have tasted many bathrooms
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
