Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
