I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
