atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
