i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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