im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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