You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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