Kiss
Puke
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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