Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
