i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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