and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
