We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
