But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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