Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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