His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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