Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
