So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
