so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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