You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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