thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
