I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
