How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
