If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
