Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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