oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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