i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
