so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
