I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
