I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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