Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
