See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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