How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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