She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
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Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
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6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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