Where are you?
In a non slutty way
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
