Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
BRING THE BAGELS
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
