You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
