Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
