I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
