Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
