my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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