I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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