I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
